Rant alert!

When I said I was going to blog more often, I was serious. I mean, just check me out, blogging twice in a week.

The good news is I got my AC fixed. I had a bad relay. The repairman said it was the most cheaply-made relay he'd seen in twenty years. I'm not surprised, since they haven't made my AC in twenty-five years.

Someone I know just announced his engagement. Is it awful of me that when someone I know announces their engagement, happiness isn't my knee-jerk reaction? Instead it's this gnawing mix of envy and panic. I feel like the more people who get married, the more single I get.

Also, what is up with men my age dating twenty-year-olds? I'm almost 28, for the record (it's my birthday next month). Why on earth would a 28-year-old man want to date a girl who's barely out of high school? It can't just be a facial elasticity thing, either, because I know a lot of women my age who look really young. And I totally got mistaken for being 20 last week.

Mostly I think, if men my age are dating girls 8 years younger, who are women my age supposed to date? If you line the numbers up the answer should be "36-year-old men." But most 36-year-old men seem unwilling to date a woman older than 25. Seriously, men, what's up with that? Stop it. It's just creepy. And I hate to break it to you, men-pushing-forty, but if a much younger woman is interested in you, it's probably for your money. Or she's got daddy issues.

Do I sound bitter? I promise I'm not bitter. Not completely bitter, anyway. It's just ... I don't know. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of everyone else being asked out and not me. I'm not even going on bad dates. I'm going on no dates. Am I that repulsive to men? I don't think I'm that bad looking. And I'm totally not even fat anymore; I've lost 60 pounds since last June.

I just don't know what to do to make myself more attractive. It's frustrating. The older I get the harder it is to convince myself that there's not something wrong with me that everyone else can see but that I can't. I mean, what does it say about me that the only man who was ever interested in me turned out to be a porn-addicted atheist who's a mean drunk? And what does it say about me that even he didn't really love me, that he was only using me?

...

Sheesh. I guess if this is the sort of thing I'm going to be blogging about, I'd be better off not blogging. It's just ... I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with being alone all the time. I'm tired of pretending that I am having SO MUCH FUN being single. And I am tired of married people telling me, "Oh, enjoy it while it lasts," or "Marriage is hard work!"

Really? Marriage is hard work? Thanks for your stunning report, Captain Obvious. What part of life isn't hard work? I'm not a Kardashian. I've had to work hard for or at everything in my life. Why should marriage be any different?

Okay, really. I'm done being crabby now. Stepping off my soapbox.

But, hey, I got my AC fixed! Snaps for East Valley Refrigeration.